Being an ally, and the story about the man who made period pads
For men with women in their lives
I want to tell you about Arunachalam Muruganantham, or “Pad Man.”
When he got married, he noticed that his wife was collecting dirty rags and newspapers for her menstrual cycle, because the cost of pads was too high.
So he designed the pads himself. Wore the experimental pads himself. Tried to market the pads himself. And eventually, invented a machine that produced pads with 1/50 costs. Muruganantham, a man grew up in poverty, and a high school dropout, revolutionized the way women lived with periods, all started when he could not stand seeing his wife using the dirty rags.
Even though the ending to Muruganantham’s story was extraordinary, the beginning stuck with me.
His allyship to his wife.
I was raised by strong women. My mom was ambitious. She would always find new learning and working opportunities, working day and night, to ensure financial stability for my and my sister’s future. She taught me to dream big. I was also raised by loving women. My grandmothers always asked me what I wanted to eat before I visited, so whenever I was at their house, my favorite dish would already be there, steaming hot. They taught me to take care of myself and others.
As a woman, I was taught to be strong, brave, and graceful. But, I rarely heard people being taught how to give support to women, so they can be strong, brave, and graceful.
It is so rare to learn how to be an ally.
Whenever there was a big gathering in the family, all the women were in the kitchen for most of the time, cooking, cleaning, serving. The women would eat last, after serving the elders, and taking care of young ones. If only a man would carry some of those responsibilities, and support for rest.
Whenever in a STEM class, I rarely felt heard. The voices of my male peers were constantly rising, and I did not find a space to enter the discussion. If only a male peer would notice the silence, and support for participation.
That’s why when I learned about Pad Man, I was amazed. In his story, when he tried to help, his community ostracized him because period was a taboo topic. But he did not stop. He wanted to support and find a solution to a problem that his wife struggled with, so he stepped into allyship. Then I was surprised that I felt amazed at this story. The fact that I was amazed at a man stepping into allyship, means that it is too rare of an event.
I am proud to be a woman. I am proud to learn from resilient, hard-working, and extraordinary women. But we are humans, and we are tired of fighting and persisting alone. I am not saying that women can’t do it. It is just that we are going nowhere with half the effort. To finally get to the same level of equality for men and women, all have to participate, not just half of the world.
The other half of the world need to listen, notice, and reach out.
I hope that for Women’s Day, and all other days:
You not only give flowers, but you give care.
You not only give presents, but you give spaces for women to feel the presence.
You not only give a fancy dinner, but more of your support in the kitchen.
You will listen more how we struggle with sexual health, equality in wages, representation in leadership, harassments on the streets, lack of respect for care-giving, and so many more.
Then we will get closer to equality.
Thầy Minh Niệm said that (podcast Yêu Lành), when you truly love someone, you want to help make their lives better, lovelier, and easier. If you love the women in your life, I hope you will take the time to ask them the question: “How can I be of support to you?”
* Here is an awesome movie about Pad Man, and a Ted Talk from him. 10/10 recommended.